Today you can’t turn on sport’s radio or a sport’s channel without hearing details and commentary related to the Miami Heat’s Coach Erik Spoletra’s comments that team members of the Heat were “crying” after a tough loss to the Chicago Bulls yesterday afternoon.
As I listened to some of the commentary and repots, I was struck by the fact that many people were laughing, and for lack of better term, making fun of the Miami Heat player who were crying. Saying things like, “if there is no crying in baseball, then there is definitely no crying in the regular season of basketball.” (Spinning a line from the movie “League of Their Own.)
In most commentary I have heard on the matter, there is one overwhelming theme: men aren’t supposed to cry unless…(fill in the blank with some dramatic event).
Rewind to my Saturday night, I am standing outside after a spiritual experience at a local Christian camp in Southern California. From the direction of the bathroom, two of my high school guys emerge, arms on each other’s shoulders in tears.
As I began to talk to them, quickly it became obvious that God was breaking open some deep hurt that they had tried to push down. As tears came from their eyes they both tried hard to mask them, even saying things like, “I hate crying” or “I just have to stop.”
I finally looked at both of them and said, “It is okay to cry.”
If either of these teens were to turn on a sports channel or radio station today they would hear a much different message about what is or not okay for a “man” to do.
As I processed all of this, my mind could not help but drift to scripture’s shortest verse, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).
Standing outside of Lazarus’s tomb, Jesus cried over the loss of a friend.
Now I know you can’t emotionally compare the loss of a basketball game, a deep spiritual response from teenagers, and the death of a friend. Yet, all these experiences share one element: tears.
As I listened to a local sports radio show during lunch today, an interview with Lakers’ star Kobe Bryant came on. Of course, only three questions in, the Miami Heat’s crying came up. Bryant responded to a pointed question by the interviewer by saying something wonderful, “all people respond differently.” Adding, "If guys are crying in the locker room, guys are crying in the locker room. That doesn't mean they're chumps. That doesn't mean they're soft. It doesn't mean anything."
While, Bryant admitted that he would not of cried over a basketball game, he added, “That is just not me.”
Bryant knows something that some guys forget, we all respond differently to situations and that doesn't make us less of a man.
When dealing with teenage guys we need make sure that we do not communicate to them that a “real man” pushes down his emotions and does not cry. We have to remember that all people react differently and that crying is not bad. Crying is an emotional response to a feeling. When we push down that response (tears), we end up having to push down what is causing that response (the hurt). Not only is this psychology not good for the students, possibly leading to anger, but also it can lead to deep hurt later.
I was meeting with one student who noticed they started crying over what they called, “little things” and was having trouble sleeping. As we continued to talk, what emerged was that they were pushing down deep hurt for so long, that their body was now reacting in order to try to deal with their hurt they had pushed down for so long.
Revelation 21:4 states, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
This verse shows us that we have a God who is in the business of healing, not only physically, but also emotionally. The reality is that the God does not “wipe away tears” and do away with crying, because crying is “bad.” Tears aren’t a part of the heavenly reality, because there is no need for them anymore, because at that point in the story all of creation is healed. In fact, it is through the wiping away our tears that God heals us.
Therefore tears are not bad, they are a part of the healing process. That is why Jesus wept, because through crying he was healed (not that his divine side of Jesus needed to be healed).
In the same way, when we cry, we are healed. And maybe, just maybe; in those tears, God is in the process of healing us.
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