Church was not always this way, separating youth from the adult community as is seen in the two different examples given below. Looking at the New Testament Church one can see that there was no separation of youth, children, or adults from each other. In fact, families all participated in church together. In his book, Families At the Crossroads, Rodney Clapp takes his readers even back further into the Bible, venturing back into the time where Israel was ruled by its own judges, not kings. Clapp argues that families knew nothing of the privatization of today’s world; instead, as in Joshua 7:17, several households, consisting of married groups of people, formed clans, which then constituted a tribe. There were many reasons for this grouping of families, such as survival and industry, as in Judges 6, but these clans also participated in caring for helping children develop their faith in God (Deut. 6:4).
In the time of the Church things are to operate a little differently according to Jesus. In Mark 3:31-35, Jesus redefines the definition of family as: “whoever does the will of God.” He even goes further in Matthew 10:35-36 to state, “I have come to turn man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law, your enemies will be those in your own household.” Jesus continues to say in verse 37, “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” Within the Kingdom of God and the Church, families are redefined. They no longer are made up of what we know today as the nuclear family; instead family is anyone who confesses Jesus as Lord. This is where the Church comes in. The Church becomes the people who are to raise and disciple the new believer, child, and/or teenager. Theologians Stanley Hauerwas and William H. Willmon take Jesus’ words and draw out its theology, arguing that the Church is to be the family of God, within which both faith and ethics are to be developed.
So how can a church change this? How can we help students feel connected and become connected to the adult community? Well, first let me say that knowing that things need to change is the first step. Now that you see why things need to change, the second step is getting the rest of the staff, and maybe even the elder board, to see why things need to change also. Remember, change, especially in the church, even with staff members and elders, is never a quick process; it takes time, patience, prayer, many conversations, and discernment. In a way taking this step is ultimately asking your church’s culture to change, and people do not like to change, especially when you are asking them to change what they have become very comfortable with. Therefore, it is important to direct change and cast the vision to your church community. Remember change needs to happen in the heart before it can happen within the community. Therefore it is important to be in prayer and asking God’s guidance throughout this process because he is the one that changes hearts and minds for the glory of his kingdom, not us. At the same time, it is important to discern based on your church’s theology, tradition, and culture how God might be calling your church community to start becoming more youth friendly. While you are talking to the pastoral staff and elder board, you should also begin to start conversations with the student body and working to change the culture in your youth ministry itself. Students may be uncomfortable with the idea at first because it is so out of the norm for them, so take baby steps. I have found that a good first step is starting conversations with youth where you do a lot more listening than talking. In many cases the answer lies within the issues. What I mean by this is, ask your students why they do not like coming to “big church,” and trust me, if you have an honest relationship with them, they will be brutally honest with you. Use this information to see what might need to change in order to get youth to want to become involved. Don’t use names, but this information could also be a helpful tool in helping your staff or elders to see the need for change.
Once you start to work to change hearts and minds for Christ’s kingdom, move forward with programs little by little, but remember don’t just program change, pray over it, preach it, and live it. All programming should reflect a larger purpose, God’s. The programs should be things that get students and adults to interact with one another so that they get to know each other and build relationships with one another. One example is doing a church workday and pairing up teams of adults with teams of youth to work on things together. Another example is doing a church basketball league where you create teams of four with two adults and two youth.
After you feel like progress is being made and youth and adults are connecting and hearts are changing, take the step and start including them in the processes of Sunday morning services. If you start with this step, it might feel too quick for some people in the church, that is why I suggest trying to do this further down the road in the process than at the beginning. Getting youth involved with the community during the church service not only helps them create ownership, but they are also able to see themselves as a part of the church community, not just the youth group. Some churches feel that it is best not to hold youth group or youth bible study while a main church service is going on so that youth can be a part of the service every week. Ultimately, while I think this is best, it is at the discretion of your pastoral staff to discern for your community.
Let me say at the end that I am not advocating that youth lose their own space, because in many ways that is just as important as helping to develop an adult community for them. In fact that is subject we turn to next week. Creating space to care for youth in our community and how we can work to meet their specific needs.
But until then, remember what we have covered over the last three weeks, and that youth are in a place in society and culture where they have never been before. Therefore the church must join in God’s redeeming work in the world, helping him redeem his youth through the work of the spirit in the church. As a youth leader it is your job to serve, leads, casts the vision, and create the goals for the future of God’s youth. The hope is that youth will become a vital part of the church community, that they will organically develop relationships with adults in their community, and they will grow and develop in adults who love and follow Jesus. May this way of doing church becomes such a part of the culture that it is prayed for, preached, and lived out in every aspect of the community’s life together.
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